So it's been a week since the big rock and roll show and you, no doubt, have had a bunch of people coming to you and saying something to the effect of "I like the cd" or "Your cd rocks my dead grandmother's ass!"  And then there's that uncertainty in you that thinks "Do they really like it or are they just saying that because they accidentally encountered me and feel obligated to offer a compliment?"  Or you may even think "Are those my pants they're wearing?  They look like my pants."  So here i am to offer a little piece of mind.  #1) I'm not wearing your pants.  #2) I have not accidentally encountered you in an uncomfortable situation in which i feel obligated to offer a compliment.  Therefore, you can be sure that what i'm about to say is genuine.

The cd which you have issued under a mediocre moniker (see title) doesn't suck much at all.  In fact, it's quite good.  In fact, it rocks my dead grandmother's ass.  I really do like the cd.  I have to admit, it's ten times better than what i expected.  I guess i expected it would sound like your live band shows, which are good, but the magic of the studio has brought a completely new dimension to your music.  I think it shows that you are even more creative than your songs already suggest.  I, my friend, am very impressed.

You really do have something to be proud of with this cd and it's a great resume builder for both you and Nathan (co-producer, engineer, owner of The Eggplant Co.).  Please pass on a compliment to him for a very professional and wonderful sounding recording.  The recording itself is far beyond my expectations; very impressive.

Ok, i guess i can shut up now or else your head will get even bigger and that will make you look like you have less hair and that's just weird.  But first i have to call you out on one thing.  In case you were unaware, "White Boy Blues" blatantly steals a riff from Rolling Stones' "Honky-Tonk Women." I'm onto you Mister "Southpaw" if, in fact, that is your real name. Stealing other people's songs, maybe your name should be "Puff" Jones.  Yeah it think i like that better.

Um...bye

Greg "I Hold My Pencil The Correct Way Like All True Americans" Wagner
Bowling Green, Kentucky
December 11, 1999